A Cry For Help
by Ellagne
Summary: Despite waking on an unfamiliar station, confused, and in a hostile situation, Shepard's first thoughts are of Kaidan . In part instinct and part desperation, she manages to send him a message . Shenko
1. Part 1

A/N: I found this on my hard drive and decided to post it. I find it difficult to get inside Kaidan's head, but there were parts that had to be from his perspective, so hopefully they won't be too bad. Sorry about the weird formatting of the summary; is being strange.

~.~.~

**Part 1**

Shepard held the mirror shard aloft, catching a glance of her own pale blue-grey eyes before angling it so she could see around the corner. The corridor was empty, to her relief. Broken glass glittered on the floor in a cheap mockery of diamonds; Shepard twisted the mirror so she could see the broken window. The office suite behind it was equally deprived of hostiles, as was the suite on the opposite side, though this one still had its window intact. Every mech she didn't have to fight was a blessing. While she was no stranger to pain, the experience of red-hot needles stabbing through her muscles – the worst pain residing in her bones, of all places – was unique. Shepard hadn't been aware it was possible to cause consistent damage to her entire body. Breathing took more effort than she remembered, as if lead bands encircled her torso and her lungs weren't sure what to do. The hot prickling across her skin, most prominent around the strange yellow-orange scars, was the worst. It felt like her skin would split apart at any moment, releasing her innards to the harsh outside world. Working off the last of the sedative in her system was more familiar but an equal hindrance. The combat situation made slower reactions dangerous, if not lethal.

Pushing off from the wall, Shepard pocketed the mirror shard with a silent curse at the painfully limited civilian-grade omni-tool she had scavenged. Without it or a visor – for the person who deposited the foreign N7 armour in the medbay's locker had neglected to give her a helmet – Shepard had no way to scan for life signs. Using a mirror was primitive but it worked, even if it raised memories of her childhood on Earth. Glass crunched under her boots as she stepped into the corridor, pistol raised, and edged forward until she reached the green locking mechanism on the suite that was still completely intact. The door divided into sections as it sprang back with a hiss.

The owner of the office kept it in the 'ideal' state of cleanliness and organisation that most failed to achieve. A private terminal, a datapad and a half-empty mug of lukewarm coffee were the only objects on the expansive desk. The items on the shelves – datapads, OSDs and folders – were carefully arranged in unknown categories. Shepard noticed the absence of photos, knick knacks and other personal items. That, combined with the austere white and silver décor reinforced the atmosphere of sterility.

Shepard narrowed her eyes at the yellow and black emblem painted on the far wall. It was likely an insignia, though she had never seen any organisation affiliate with it. The harsh edges and even harsher colour scheme contrasted starkly with the sleek silver Systems Alliance seal she had expected to see. Shepard caught her lower lip between her teeth – even her _teeth_ hurt – as she thought.

If this wasn't an Alliance facility, then where was she?

The usual occupant of the office had left their private terminal open, a series of progress logs listed across the screen. She opened one of the audio logs. While the words made sense, Shepard didn't truly comprehend them. She heard but didn't listen as a female voice – the same female that had woken her over the comm system – droned on about organ functionality and bio-synthetics.

Shepard noticed the user's email account was open; she perused the messages in the inbox. Most were succinct and apathetic, again referring to "the subject". The lines of text, without revealing any context, quickly blurred and became indecipherable. Shaking her head did little to tear the thin veils of lethargy lingering in her mind.

As Shepard began to turn away, an idea froze her pained muscles.

_Alenko_.

She had to contact Alenko. Another glance at the insignia on the wall caused her stomach to clench with more than physical discomfort. If this was not an Alliance facility nor that of one of its affiliates – as the foreign seal heavily suggested – then she likely needed extraction. Shepard didn't know if the organisation was friend or foe, and that unknown gnawed at her.

Opening a fresh draft, Shepard's fingers typed her jumbled thoughts, solidifying them in the tangible state of glowing yellow text.

_Kaidan_

_Something's wrong. I don't know how I got here, but I woke up on some station – someone hacked the security mechs and now they're all hostile. The facility doesn't look Alliance, though, so either it's deep undercover or this isn't an Allian_

Her eye was caught by the datestamp on the bottom of the display. Eyes widening, Shepard's thoughts alternated between _no no no_ and _shit shit shit_.

The year was 2185.

_Two _years_? _Shepard's hands clutched at the edge of the desk as her already-traumatised knees shook. The cold metal bit into the mesh covering her palms. _No. That has to be wrong!_

When she was sufficiently steadied, her hands rose of their own violation to continue typing. Clanking footsteps and the whir of mechanics caught her attention. Shepard glanced over her shoulder at a patrol of three mechs. Garish red optics burnt her eyes as one detected her through the thick pane of glass.

They disappeared from view. Shepard heard the low chirp of a failed bypass attempt. The lock remained a firm red.

She then heard the buzz of a laser cutter.

_What?_ Shepard's brow furrowed as she felt for her pistol. Standard programming for security mechs was to continue hacking using more complex algorithms until they succeeded. Someone had changed their protocol. Errant stands of chestnut brown hair flicked into her face as she whirled back to the terminal.

_mechs burning through the door. love you_

Shepard hit send and turned. She drifted to the left and crouched so she was not immediately in the line of sight. One hand slipped a grenade from her belt while her other aimed the pistol at the portal.

She had no intention of being killed by _mechs_.


	2. Part 2

Part 2

A soft _ping_, similar to the beginning note of his alarm, caused Kaidan Alenko to jerk into full wakefulness. He possessed the odd ability to wake in the first half-second of his alarm's ring; it served as a hindrance when it was _not_ his alarm. Since this was one of those instances, he searched around for the cause of the noise. In doing so, Alenko became aware of the stiffness of his muscles and the faint staleness of dropping onto his bed fully clothed. He hadn't even bothered to remove his boots.

A survey of the room, rendered in monochromatic shades of blue-black, revealed nothing. Alenko glanced down and noticed his omni-tool still clamped around his wrist. Activating the display was a mistake as pure the molten gold pain lanced into his eyes. With a grunt, Alenko screwed his eyes shut and turned his head away.

Gingerly, he opened his eyes into slits and searched for the brightness setting to turn it down. He waited until his eyes adjusted to the vitality of the light source that was still too harsh even on the lowest brightness. A quick check told him his omni-tool had been the source of the noise, as an alert to an incoming email.

What someone would be doing emailing him at 0247 local time he didn't know, but curiosity had withered away years ago. The only logical person would be Anderson organising a briefing on his next assignment. Alenko glanced at the sender, which revealed it had been forwarded from his old account – the one he'd had while he had still been a staff lieutenant. The original sender was unknown. Alenko opened it.

_Kaidan_

Few addressed him so casually any more, he vaguely noted.

_Something's wrong. I don't know how I got here, but I woke up on some station – someone hacked the security mechs and now they're all hostile. The facility doesn't look Alliance, though, so either it's deep undercover or this isn't an Allianholy _

It took Alenko a few moments to realise there was supposed to be a space between _Allian_ – presumably Alliance – and _holy. _That someone could even be distracted mid-word in an email as if it were a train of thought and not edit it was strange. The message currently made no sense, but could not have been a mis-send because it was addressed to him. There was no one that he knew, however, that would send something like this.

_shit the datestamp says it's 2185. That can't be right. What's going_

_mechs burning through the door. love you_

Alenko froze on the last two words. Breath whooshed from his lungs as if he had been punched in the gut with the _Destiny Ascension_. Fire an ice simultaneous ran through his body. _No, it can't be– there has to be a mistake. A sick joke. No._

There had to be a mistake somewhere. He must have misread something – it was two in the morning after all. Those two words glared out from the display, taunting him. Alenko knew it couldn't be real. He rose and paced the length of his closet-sized bedroom.

But they'd never found a–

He cut himself off before he could finish the thought.

Two words and six letters that couldn't even be trusted were all it took for the frozen lump that constituted as his heart to restart, shedding dust as it began to beat painfully. _If_ it was her – and there was no real evidence to suggest that – then she was in trouble. Either way, something was definitely wrong.

A sharp, bitter gust of laughter knifed the air. After seeing his home and his love taken from him, he spent two years grieving and now received a confused email from his dead partner? _Wrong_ was an understatement.

As he reread the message, clues that could explain the last two years jumped out. Alenko shook his head sharply as if to dispel the thought. Trying and failing miserably to quell his hope, Alenko made a list of what he knew. Fact: the _Normandy_ had been attacked by an unknown vessel. Fact: Joker had refused to bail. Fact: she had ordered him to oversee evacuation – to get into an escape pod himself. Fact: she had died– or had she? That was coming into question. Fact: her body had never been recovered. Fact: Two years later, he received a suspicious email.

In the email the sender mentioned waking up. They voiced concern over the facility not being immediately identifiable as Alliance-run. They sounded surprised, or even shocked, at the year.

It was possible – but not _plausible_, Alenko told himself – that in the current scenario she could be alive. Worry and hope crashed over his head, buffeting him in the currents of emotion. Continual numbness of the past two years made the emotions fresh and all the more powerful.

_mechs burning through the door. love you_

Hope caused the lump behind his breastbone to beat once more. Worry wrapped frosty steel bands around his chest, constricting, and grew into fear. If she had just woken up then she would not be at her best, and one mistake was all it took.

Alenko found himself on his feet, dragging his battered body from one end of his bedroom to the other and back again. A corona of blue flared around him, static energy crackling, as he realised he was utterly helpless. As helpless as he had been over Alchera.

The thick pane of ice separating Kaidan from Commander Alenko shattered. The crushing weight of _not knowing_ swept over him, only this time he was in the privacy of his barely-used tomb of an apartment rather than in an escape pod with nine pairs of eyes watching him. Alenko had no idea where she was, if it was her, and he couldn't help her.

That frustrating fact was enough for Alenko to realise there was no point hoping in case she died again or it wasn't her. His heart, however, never listened to his head.

With a groan, Alenko leaned against the wall.

Reading over the letter again, her jumbled words made one thing clear: she – if it was truly her –was confused an in an unknown place. Her pauses mid-sentence and general incoherency made sense if she had truly just woken up and didn't know what was going on. Alenko could sense her anxiety, especially regarding the date.

He needed to clear his head and not drive himself insane speculating. Grabbing a set of clean clothes he palmed the lock on the hidden bathroom. Sleep would be impossible now, he knew.


	3. Part 3

**Part 3**

"You're welcome to take Veetor's omni-tool data but please just let me take him!"

"Handing him over to Cerberus was never on the table," Shepard agreed with a quick nod. She looked over her shoulder to address the two Cerberus operatives. "He's traumatised and he needs medical care. Tali will give us the omni-tool data and take him to the flotilla." Her sharp gaze lingered on Lawson.

Lawson recognised the challenge, but kept her expression carefully neutral. "Understood, Commander."

"Thank you." Tali's relief was not filtered out by the microphone in her suit. "I'm glad you're the one still giving the orders." Her omni-tool flared to life and she worked quickly, downloading the data from Veetor.

Shepard's omni-tool _ping_ed and she glanced over the data she'd received. The revelations from Veetor were concerning, and she felt the first pangs of worry that the situation was more complicated than she's planned for. There was no evidence of Reaper involvement, despite what Cerberus seemed to believe, but the Collectors were a definite menace. "Thanks, Tali."

"Good luck out there. If I find anything that can help you, I'll let you know."

"Appreciated."

Behind her, Taylor radioed the shuttle. "We're ready for pick up."

"You two go on ahead," Shepard ordered. "Tali, a word?"

Tali nodded and they both watched Taylor and Lawson exit the bunker, the latter throwing Shepard a mildly suspicious glance. "What do you need to talk about, Shepard?"

"Hold on." Shepard disabled the microphone on her hardsuit and powered down her omni-tool. "Can you scan for listening devices in the area?"

"One second." Tali's fingers flew over her omni-tool. "There's another microphone on your hardsuit – there. Disabled. Now we can talk privately."

Shepard let out a breath, her pale blue-grey eyes almost luminescent as they flitted around the dark room. "I know this sounds crazy, but Cerberus spent the last two years bringing me back from the dead. I don't know how they managed it, but I found some of the progress logs myself."

"_Keelah_! How is that even possible?"

"Cybernetics and a shitload of credits," Shepard snorted. "Suffice to say I'm not too impressed, especially at the cybernetics. Who knows what they've done to me or if I'm even human any more."

"How– how does it feel?"

Shepard let out a heavy breath. "Painful." She didn't elaborate.

"Why haven't you escaped yet?" Tali asked quietly. "The whole ground team heard that Cerberus was responsible for Akuze. You were always angry when we fought them."

Shepard sighed, her gaze falling to the floor. "The Illusive Man – the head of Cerberus – says he brought me back to fight the Collectors and that the Reapers are involved. Shit, Tali, it's been two years and everything's changed. I don't know what's true and what isn't. Something is horribly wrong, but I need more information before I can even _consider_ working with the organisation that slaughtered my comrades and killed hundreds of others." Her eyes flicked up to meet the vague glow of Tali's own. "How many other colonies have been hit?"

"I don't know the exact figure, but this definitely isn't the first. All of them like this: no alarms, no signs of struggle, no contamination in the air or water, no hint that anything was wrong. Except for the fact that everyone was missing." Tali shook her head. "The Alliance has done nothing."

"Terminus _is_ technically outside our jurisdiction," Shepard acknowledged, crossing her arms over her chest. "But someone has to stop these attacks. What about the Council? Humanity's a Council race now."

"Again, they won't touch the Terminus Systems." Shepard got the impression Tali rolled her eyes under suit. "What are you going to do, Shepard?"

"Plan A is to hightail at the first opportunity, take intel on the Collectors and my... recovery to the Alliance and Council, and get their support. Then I don't have to work through Cerberus."

"Cerberus is trouble, but you know that already. However, things have changed in the last two years, Shepard. You'll probably have difficulty convincing them to help you."

Shepard shook her head and said resolutely. "I have to try. It's better than working with bloody terrorists. Either way, though, I _have_ to stop the Collectors."

"Good luck, Shepard. I think you'll need it." Tali stepped forward to give her a quick hug.

Shepard returned the embrace, almost finding it in herself to smile. As she stepped back, she said, "One more thing: can I email Kaidan from your omni-tool? I have no doubt mine is monitored by Cerberus."

"Sure." Tali opened a blank draft and held her arm out.

"If your arm gets tired, let me know. This might take a while," Shepard warned. As she typed, she constantly stopped and rewrote passages; it was difficult for her to express the turbulent emotions rolling inside her. It was, however, something of a relief to sort through her thoughts as she wrote them down. The inadequacy of informing Alenko of the situation in an email was painful, but Shepard didn't know if she'd get another opportunity to contact him.

When she was finished, she said, "Thanks Tali." Shepard saved the document.

The quarian let her arm drop with a relieved groan. "Did you write a report or something?" She shook her arm out a few times.

Shepard couldn't smile at the light ribbing. "No. Just an explanation I wish I could deliver in person."

Tali touched Shepard's shoulder with her other hand. "A written explanation is better than no explanation, Shepard. Besides, who knows if you'll even have the opportunity to see him – Cerberus could restrict your movement or Kaidan might not have shore leave soon. Better he learns you are alive from you rather than anyone else. Especially if you're working with Cerberus."

"I'm _not_ working with Cerberus," she snapped without thinking. After a moment, her shoulders dropped and she cast her eyes to the ground. "But I might be forced to consider it if I can't get Alliance or Council backing to investigate the Collectors."


	4. Part 4

**Part 4**

The next redirected email – sent five hours and twenty two after the first – caused Alenko to immediately forget the report he had been writing as he scrambled to open it. Disappointment filled his stomach with lead when he read that it was from Tali. Her timing couldn't have been worse, but he admitted to some curiosity as to why she was emailing him. Alenko had figured he had offended her when he hadn't ever replied to her in the months after the _Normandy_'s destruction. Eventually she had stopped trying to contact him. He began to read.

_Hi Kaidan_

_I know it's been a while – you never responded to my emails. I have some important news for you: Shepard's alive. And it's really her. I was sceptical at first, especially with those cybernetic scars on her face, but I'm certain it's her. She moves like Shepard, she talks like Shepard, she acts like Shepard. Most importantly, she asked me if the geth data we recovered during a mission helped me with my Pilgrimage. Only the real Shepard would know about that – I remember her telling Ashley to not mention it in her mission report so any fake had no way of knowing._

_So, yeah, it's Shepard. And she asked me to forward you this message. If you do see her, ask her something that only the real Shepard would know. If you're still not convinced, ask her several questions that only Shepard would know the answers to. I know you probably won't be immediately convinced but hear her out. _

_I don't know how anyone could go through what she has and stayed sane. Shepard definitely didn't look well, though, and mentioned she was in pain. You know it has to be serious for her to admit any discomfort. I'm worried, Kaidan._

_Anyway, enough of my rambling. I hope you're doing okay._

_-Tali_

Alenko let out a breath he hadn't been aware he was holding. Alenko sank down on the couch, feeling weak. It was a biotic punch to the gut. The answer to the sender's identity only raised new questions. Where had Shepard been for the past two years? Why had she let him think she had died?

He wasn't entirely convinced – he had yet to even see Shepard for himself – but Tali's conviction was a point in her favour.

Eagerly, he opened the attachment.

_Hey Kaidan_

_I know a message is painfully inadequate, especially since I can't verify my identity, but it is too dangerous to try to organise a meeting. It hasn't clicked in my head that it's been two years, but I know it must have been horrible for you. For what it's worth, I'm sorry. I didn't intend to get spaced. If you've moved on, I understand._

_Survived the mechs. Sorry for worrying you like that (and I _know_ it did). I'm sending this from Tali's omni-tool because every other terminal I've had access to is insecure. I only just realised sending that last email was dangerous – it's too much to hope the terminal wasn't monitored. You know how I said the facility didn't look Alliance? As it turned out, it wasn't. It was Cerberus._

_You have no idea how much that both terrifies and enrages me. The organisation responsible for Akuze and all the other horrors we saw while hunting Saren funnelled two billion credits into me. I don't know what they've done to me. All I know is that yesterday the _Normandy_ was attacked and I was spaced after I got Joker's ass into an escape pod. I remember the breach in my hardsuit. I remember not being able to breathe. Then I woke up on the station. I saw some of the Lazaraus Project's progress logs before I came in contact with any of the personnel, so they couldn't have been falsified. It's batshit insane and messed up._

_I know this sounds crazy, but apparently I really did die. Freaky, right? And Cerberus rebuilt me. Rebuilt is the best way to describe it, because they decided to make some 'improvements'; my body feels like it's trying to tear itself apart. I'm afraid of any control measures they might have also sneaked in. The director of the project told me she wanted to put a control chip in my brain but was ordered not to. The word of a Cerberus operative isn't worth shit, so I don't know. There could be something even worse inside my body and I wouldn't even know._

_Cerberus brought me back to stop the colony abductions in the Terminus – or so the Illusive Man said. He said they were connected with the Reapers. However, so far my only source of information has been from Cerberus and like hell I'm just going to accept what they say. Tali confirmed some of the things he said, but I'm still going to research this myself. I haven't seen any connection to the Reapers, but I'm on Freedom's Progress right now after an abduction and it's _unnerving_. To be able to abduct a whole colony without raising any alarm – there are _no_ signs of struggle. I've never seen anything like it. The security footage shows the Collectors were kidnapping the colonists._

_I've been told the Alliance is doing nothing, but I'll believe that when I see it. The Terminus Systems _are_ outside of the Alliance's and Council's jurisdiction, though. I can't _not _try to stop these attacks, but hell if I'll work with terrorists and traitors. My plan is to go to Anderson and at the very least get my Spectre status back – and preferably be reinstated into the Alliance, but that might take too long with the red tape and questioning. Then I can tackle this colony problem without selling my soul to the devil._

_With any luck I'll see you soon._

_Shepard_

His first coherent thought after reading through the message twice was that she didn't sign off with 'love you' like she had previously. Alenko knew it had cost Shepard to say she understood if he had moved on. He imagined what she would look like for the first time in two years: eyebrows drawn together, her lips pressed in a hard line and her pale eyes glacial as she tried to mask her hurt.

The vagueness of 'improvements' had Alenko worried, especially when Tali commented on her cybernetics. Was this truly his Shepard? It was possible it was Shepard, complete with her memories, but physically or mentally under Cerberus' control. Worse was the idea of Cerberus manipulating her. Shepard's sense of duty had not changed; she was ready – eager, even – to defend the colonists in the Terminus. Alenko had heard the rumour that Cerberus was behind the attacks, and he knew they would have a powerful agent if they could trick Shepard into helping them. _Especially if they're playing the Reaper card_, he thought darkly. _That always got her attention_.

He could read between the lines when it came to Shepard's comment on her physical pain. While honest, she only made a single mention of it; Tali was right in saying that Shepard only admitted she was in pain when it was debilitating.

With a groan, Alenko rubbed one eye with the heel of his palm. He hadn't even _seen_ Shepard alive. He wanted to search for her, orders be damned, and find out if it was his Shepard. And if by some miracle it was, then he wanted to hold her, to feel the warmth and weight of her body against his. To run his hands through her rich brown hair. To trace the scar that ran from left eyebrow to the right corner of her mouth.

A light shudder danced through Alenko's muscles as he recalled memories of her for the first time in two years. He replied to Tali, thanking her for forwarding him Shepard's message, and asked if there was a way to contact Shepard. He also enquired where she met Shepard and for more detail on her cybernetics.

To his frustration, Alenko was then forced to consign himself to waiting.


	5. Part 5

**Part 5**

Alenko was examining his inadequately-stocked refrigerator when his omni-tool _ping_ed. Excited, he opened his inbox. It was from Anderson. Fighting disappointment, he scanned the contents of the message, which alerted him to a meeting he had at 1400 with the councillor to receive his next assignment.

It was 1107 currently, and Alenko knew he had to appease his stomach before it digested itself. Rather than restocking ingredients, he decided to buy take out and let someone else worry about preparing the amount of food required for a biotic. He ducked into his bedroom to grab his boots and quickly left.

There was a cafe fairly close to his apartment, and Alenko's feet walked on autopilot. Had it been even yesterday, his mind would have been on autopilot too. Now it was buzzing with jumbled thoughts and worries. The corridor opened up onto a balcony with a staircase leading down to a small marketplace that was quivering with activity. It was different to the market districts on the Wards, where fully-fledged stores were permanently carved into the complex. Here vendors of all species monitored their small stalls like hawks while advertisements of their wares flashed above their heads. Garden beds were dotted about the marketplace, holding gentle plant species from several planets. Alenko passed a circular bed that housed luminescent space daisies – as humans had nicknamed them. The real name was more impressive and most translators couldn't decipher it properly.

Alenko weaved through the ever-present knot of people around Babel Games discussing whether to preorder _Assassin's Compact_. His stomach growled a warning at him, then gurgled expectantly when he reached the cafe. It was one of the few places that was housed in a proper store, even as tables and chairs spilled into the marketplace. Alenko stood back and examined the menu, absently waving an asari forward to order first.

Alenko first considered then dismissed the idea of only ordering as much as an average human. Biotic appetites were noticeable, but he knew satisfying his hunger – especially with his new found stress and meeting with Anderson – was more important than any sideways looks he might get. He ordered generously when he was waved to the counter, purchasing mostly foodstuffs that were already prepared, two hot meals and a coffee. The woman who took his order was human, with a motherly demeanour that approved of his healthy appetite. She smiled as she placed all the food in the bags and carefully handed him his coffee. Alenko couldn't quite smile back, but he was certain his features softened somewhat.

He narrowly avoided crashing into a turian on his way out, who shot him a beady glare and several choice curses that his translator refused to touch. And so help him, if another advertisement warned him of Blasto's comeback one more time–

_Ping_.

Alenko double timed it back to his apartment and dumped the bags on the empty kitchen counter. He unwrapped the steak sandwich and bit into it as he activated his omni-tool.

_Hi Kaidan_

_I'm sorry, but Shepard didn't give me any way to contact her. We met on Freedom's Progress; I was there to look for a quarian who was on his Pilgrimage. Shepard was investigating the colony's disappearance._

_Shepard has some kind of dermal weave. And her eyes shine red if they catch the light at the wrong angle. It's a little scary. I'd say Cerberus has also enhanced her strength and reflexes. Who knows what else they've done to her. Poor Shepard. I wish there was something we could do to help._

_-Tali_

With a sigh, Alenko shut down his omni-tool and demolished the food, with just enough leftovers to provide a quick snack later. He showered and changed into a clean set of BDUs before making his way to the human embassy where Anderson's office was located. Alenko knew he was early but there was little else for him to do.

The receptionist nodded when he entered the embassy and directed him to a seat, saying she would alert him when Anderson was ready. Alenko mindlessly browsed the extranet on his omni-tool, losing track of the time.

"Commander Alenko," the receptionist called. He jerked and glanced up at her, to which she said, "Councillor Anderson is ready for you. Go on up."

Alenko passed security and entered Anderson's office, which was adjacent to Udina's to the former's displeasure. Anderson looked up from his terminal and Alenko saluted.

"At ease, Commander. Take a seat." Anderson said. He leaned forward, pressing his elbows into the desk top and folding his hands together. "I have your next assignment ready. You're aware of the human colonies in the Terminus disappearing..."


	6. Part 6

**Part 6**

Shepard glared fiercely at Delan's back as he skulked away. Then her light eyes flicked to Alenko. She threw her arms around his neck and felt his shaky breath tickle her ear. Alenko's arms wound around her waist and pulled her close. He smelled of burnt ozone, sweat and a scent that was unique to him. Shepard relaxed against him, feeling his brief moment of surprise before he repositioned to better support her weight.

Pressing a light kiss to his cheek, Shepard whispered, "I was so worried about you."

Alenko drew back abruptly, his hands moving to her shoulders. He frowned at her, dark eyes flashing with anger. "_You_ were worried? Two years after you died I receive a desperate email implied to be from you, then a follow up. Then _nothing_ for a month! You didn't even try to make contact in person!"

Her eyes, once as bright as fresh snow on a cloudless day, were now a flat grey. "I– I'm sorry, Kaidan. I know that probably doesn't mean much to you, but I am. I haven't had an opportunity to send another message and it was far too dangerous to organise a meeting. There was no way to prove it was even _me_."

"_Anything_," he retorted, tightening his grip on her shoulders as his dark eyes bored into hers. "That you were still alive. That you managed to be reinstated–"

Shepard's gaze dropped to the ground. "I wasn't," she whispered.

There was a moment's pause. She couldn't see Alenko's expression, and was thankful. Alenko's voice, low and tight, whipped out. "You said you were going back to the Alliance. You're not saying you're still with Cerberus?"

"I don't have a choice!" she cried, eyes snapping back to his. "The first thing I did when I had control of the ship was go to the Citadel. I spoke with Anderson and the Council. The Alliance won't take me back. The Council returned my Spectre status but refused to offer funding or resources to investigate the Collectors."

Alenko's eyes narrowed. "So you're turning your back on your oath of service."

"This is bigger than the Alliance," Shepard snapped. She broke his hold on her shoulders and pointed a finger at the spot the Collector ship had recently vacated. "The Collectors are abducting whole colonies and they're working with the Reapers–"

"How do you know that?" Alenko broke in. "How do you know that Cerberus hasn't just said that to placate you?"

"Look around you, Kaidan." Shepard gestured around the makeshift battlefield. "Husk corpses. They were unleashed by the Collectors. If that isn't proof, I don't know what is."

Alenko took her advice and, upon crouching by the nearest husk corpse, scanned it with his omni-tool. Shepard took the opportunity to glance behind her to check her squad. Mordin was taking samples of a pod that had been left behind, humming loudly to himself. Garrus had herded Jack away and they were both guarding the perimeter. She could hear their voices but couldn't make out their words. When Jack made an obscene gesture and Garrus glanced over in her direction before replying slowly, Shepard had a sinking feeling she knew the topic of their conversation.

Turning back to Alenko, she asked softly, "Are you convinced of Reaper involvement?"

Rising from his crouch, Alenko stopped in front of her. "I trust you – more or less. What I don't trust is Cerberus. They're manipulating you, Shepard, whether you want to admit it or not. The Alliance suspects Cerberus of being _behind_ the colony attacks." He stepped closer, grabbing her wrist. "You said you needed more information. That's where Alliance intel is pointing. Please, Shepard, you have to rethink this."

"Kaidan, I–" Shepard stopped, the words disappearing from her mind. She took a breath and tried again. "I know Cerberus is manipulating me. But not in the way you believe. The Illusive Man... brought me back, so to speak, in order to stop the Collectors. He might treat humans lives like trash, but he doesn't like it when anyone else does the same. The only truth TIM has told me is that he is willing to deal with me to destroy the Collectors and save the colonists." She twisted her arm so she could curl her hand around his and gave it a gentle squeeze. "Kaidan, you know me in _every_ sense of the word." Her eyes searched his face. "You know I wouldn't do this without a good reason."

He looked away sharply. "Dammit, Shepard. Just– answer me this: how can you possibly ally yourself with _Cerberus_?"

"I'm _not_ allied with them," she snapped. Stepping closer until they were only inches apart, Shepard shifted until she could ensnare his eyes. "I am _using_ Cerberus' resources to investigate the Collectors. I have not joined Cerberus, nor will I assist any of their cells in their bullshit experiments! When this is over, I'll have insight into how Cerberus is run and hopefully some useful intel for the Alliance. And if Cerberus keeps pouring credits into me, then maybe I can lessen the chance of them funding a second Akuze. We clear, Kaidan? TIM's using me and I'm using him."

Alenko sighed, his shoulders slumping. "Whether you really are her or you're just wearing Shepard's face, that sounds like the woman I knew." His hands rose, fluttering like leaves on the wind, divorced from the branches that had controlled them, and settled absently on her hips.

Her eyes softened and she lightly rested one hand on his shoulder. "I'm me, Kaidan. I might be afraid of what Cerberus has done to me, but I'm still Commander Sarka Shepard." She added in a whisper, "I have to believe that, or I'm just another abomination created by Cerberus."

He remembered Tali's advice. "Tell me something only the real Shepard would know," he said urgently. "Something that couldn't have been recorded or seen."

Shepard nodded to herself. "You remember the shore leave we took together? You rented a small cabin somewhere in Canada's wilderness and I flipped out at you paying for it by yourself. One night I had a bad nightmare about Akuze and almost bolted out of the room." Her voice had dropped into a murmur, and her gaze briefly fell to the ground. "You calmed me down. I told you a few things about the attack. Another morning, we talked about your biotics and how most women were either afraid of them or thought they were kinky. I'm not bothered either way, and not bothered if you use them in the bedroom; things got pretty interesting after that. And then there was the time we were in the shower and the water suddenly turned cold."

"_Shepard_," he groaned.

"What? You wanted proof, there it is." She shrugged with the unrepentance of someone not raised in polite society. She suspected his reaction was due to him not wanting to muddy his head with physical desire.

"What about things that weren't on that shore leave?" Alenko asked, every word carefully controlled.

Shepard paused, thinking. "Well, there was the time we bumped into each other while on shore leave on the Citadel. I showed you a small nightclub on the wards that I liked to frequent when I didn't want to go to a dive. I knew the bouncer – he was a dark-skinned human with an afro. When we were there, I managed to persuade you to dance with me."

"Keep going."

"There was the CRT car incident – I was injured and not actually cleared for duty, and you picked up on it. You had to redress the wound on my stomach. You could almost cut the sexual tension with a knife."

"Dammit, Shepard, stop doing that!"

The first smile since the _Normandy_'s destruction cracked her lips. "What? You asked, boy scout."

Alenko growled low in his throat.

Shepard pulled back slightly. "In all seriousness, where does this leave us? I'm trapped in my current situation with the Collectors. You've spent two years grieving for me while those two years don't exist for me. Things are pretty rough right now, but I– I don't want things between us to end like this."

Alenko's whiskey brown eyes flitted over her face, pausing where the dermal weave showed through cracks in her skin. "It's a bad situation we're in, and things have changed in the past two years." Shepard felt her heart turn to stone and sink. With a sigh, she opened her mouth to reply, but Alenko pressed a finger to her lips. "But–"

"But what?" she asked, slightly muffled.

"But I'm a weak man," he uncovered her mouth, stroking her cheek, "and I can't live without you."

Alenko was so close his breath brushed over her lips like ghosts of kisses.

She stretched forward the last inch to make that kiss real. As his mouth slanted on hers, all Shepard could think was that she could've saved a lot of trouble if she'd kissed him five minutes earlier.

_f__in_.


End file.
